Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
worst night to have a conscience
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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