Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
