Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
