I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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