You smell like a Billy Joel song
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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