My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
