handjob tips. give me some.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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