you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
We named our party play list daddy issues
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
