it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
