you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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