I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
