I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
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