Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
