it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
This gyro tastes like lonliness
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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