I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
