im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize