Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
