New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
