well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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