this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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