Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize