I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
