do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
There's even glitter on my cock...
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