got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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