That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize