im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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