I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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