The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
