I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
