Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
