so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
