i just had sex bonerless
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Randomize
