apparently the secret to your success is patron
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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