I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
