we were pretty classy up until the second keg
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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