you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
