she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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