Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
