I wanna bring you to show and tell
love makes seman taste better
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Randomize