I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
