Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I intend to get homeless drunk
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
