Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
