When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize