Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
