He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
