Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize