office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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