my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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