A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize