He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
