she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
