when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
