when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Randomize
