Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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