i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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