All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
