You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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