about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
