That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
i drank out of a bidet.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
