Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
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