Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
