I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize