I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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