And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
