Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
