No, drunk sperm still make babies.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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