on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
