Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Too much gin, very little bucket
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
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