So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
