No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
