He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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