Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
This is my gift to your gina
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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