also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
