Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
