and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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