i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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