So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
