I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
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