just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
