im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
