Swine flu. Run for my life!
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
