Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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