if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
It's shark week go big or go home
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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