if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
