The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Randomize
