If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I could fuck to npr.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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