remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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