I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
