She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I'd cum for enchiladas.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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