Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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