Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize