trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
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