She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
