I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
my poor anus
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
