I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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