Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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