i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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