guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize